In Ephesians chapter four, where Paul taught about the five ascension gift ministries Jesus gave the Church to bring us to full maturity and enable every member (you and me) to fit in where we are supposed to be—so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love (verse 6), he told us-

With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused.
Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him.
They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.
But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.
Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,
throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.
Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.
And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need.
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:17-32 

In the Greek text, it reads not to let anger consume you and go to sleep whilst you are still angry. During the night, your mind can run riot; the thought processes can think evil towards others and such unbridled emotions can be detrimental to your health! Stop and think for a  moment how you feel when you are angry! It can affect your breathing, your heartbeat, release chemicals like adrenaline into your system, possibly trigger ulcers and so on, so there is a practical reason as well as a spiritual reason.

As well as exposing one to illness, it can produce emotional unbalance. People can become melancholy and I am not talking of people who have heads like melons and hearts like caulis; I refer to feeling morose, bitter, sad and resentful.

Paul said not to give place to the devil. The word for Place is Topos. It has a range of meanings, one of which is a scabbard where knives or swords are kept. Think that through a little. Another meaning refers to a physical geographical location. The bible often associates blessing with possessions (the Promised Land for example), so lack of self control in such areas can steal your blessing! Anger can give the devil an opportunity or legal foundation to operate.
There is of course a “righteous anger” that is not sin. Jesus got angry but He never sinned! In John 11 when He raised Lazarus from the dead, we see the words “Jesus wept”. That was not crying because His friend had died. He was snorting with indignation (the original meaning) because of people’s unbelief!

Perhaps you may see that forgiving someone is of more importance than you thought, with blessings at stake.

If you look at the cover page, I have used an image depicting an empty birdcage. If we are not careful, the tendency to hold grudges and not forgive others can ensnare us.

When we forgive those who we know or think we know have wronged us, we can escape the snare of the fowler and can bring the other person (or persons) into harmonious fellowship. I did not say two fellows in a ship. Two men can be in the same boat but not pulling with each other.

We can have differing viewpoints on certain things, yet still work together.

I want to show you something taken from Psalm 91, that we regard as the “protection” Psalm, which it is, but as with many of God’s promises, there are conditions.

HE WHO dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].
I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!
For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.
[Then] He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler. Psalm 91:1-4 

We must dwell in God’s secret place. Here there is no dissension; no holding of grudges. Grace, mercy and truth abide, but such attributes are not sloppy sentimentalism. Justice also prevails. We must rightly assess every situation and maintain our integrity together with grace, mercy, truth and application of justice.

Love for the brethren has to prevail. Psalm 133:1-3 reveals that when we meet God’s criteria, He pronounces and commands the blessing.  

How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!
For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron’s head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe.
Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And there the LORD has pronounced his blessing, even life everlasting.

We need to define forgiveness. What is forgiveness? What is it? Is it the same as reconciliation? The act

          of reconciliation is a product of forgiveness but they are not the same.
Forgiveness is one-way. It is a decision to act and involve a voluntary decision to release another and it involves a change in the way we think about the other person. It is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. When we were in essence, God’s enemies, He forgave us. We were in the wrong then. His act of forgiving us then made us right.

Forgiving another does not always depend on that other person. Several years ago I had a meeting with a certain person and as I was making a coffee before the meeting, the Lord started speaking to me about this person. He gave me words of knowledge and a passage of scripture I had to tell this person to read and I did not then realize that God had been speaking that passage to this person. The Lord told me to tell this person to forgive someone, adding that it was impossible to do, because that other one was dead. How does one forgive a dead person?

When I shared this, all was confirmed. The person forgave and great release came. Nothing could be changed about that relationship with the deceased, but the one sitting before me was set free.

This hopefully illustrates that forgiveness is a one-person affair.

Reconciliation on the other hand requires at least two parties. It is reciprocal. Forgiveness releases the offender and reconciliation rejoins the offender with you. Forgiveness requires a change in thinking about the other person, but reconciliation requires an change in the behavior by that other person. Forgiveness is unconditional. It is given freely as a gift when trust has been broken and reconciliation restores that trust.

When we forgive others, it does not require them to meet any condition. They may or may not repent and change, but we have fulfilled the royal law of love and released both ourselves and the one in error.

The act of forgiving and restoring is not dependent on whether we want to or not, or on what the other party is like or not—it is a command and we need to remember that we are God’s ambassadors.

Because we understand our fearful responsibility to the Lord, we work hard to persuade others. God knows we are sincere, and I hope you know this, too.
Are we commending ourselves to you again? No, we are giving you a reason to be proud of us, so you can answer those who brag about having a spectacular ministry rather than having a sincere heart.
If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.
Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.
He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him.
For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.
So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”
For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:11-21 

Please understand that reconciliation is not always possible. Neither is is always desirable. I would not like to be reconciled to a rapist or a murderer, but if necessary, I have to forgive. Sometimes the keeping of bad company can drag us down. After all, water finds its own level. We can become like the company we keep and this is why God tells us to be separate (not unreachable).
Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul. Proverbs 22:24-25 

We must maintain our standards and ensure that the blood line is drawn. In simple terms, do not compromise. Forgiveness therefore is not excusing sin. It does not say that what was once wrong is now right. When Jesus spoke with the woman at the well, He dealt with the way she was living with a man not her legal husband.  Today’s morals are a world away from God’s. Modern day attitudes have eroded the purity and sanctity of marriage. Living together is not Godly. Many folk now call each other their “partner”. What happened to proudly saying, “My wife” or “My husband”? That phrase “partner” gets right up my nose. I’d better stop there before I start.

Jesus ministered to people and then told them to go their way and sin no more.

When we forgive someone we are not giving time to heal wounds. Time is not a healer. Often times, “time” causes bad memories to keep coming back and ensnaring us. When “bad memories” come to me. I rebuke myself. I tell myself to shut up and control my thoughts, because if I dwelt on those bad times, I know that bitterness, anger, resentment and the like are knocking on the door. That stuff is the devil’s playground. Don’t entertain them. I ask God to permanently erase them from my memory. OK, things happen and they are part of our lives, but I will not open a porthole in a submarine to allow the devil to play with my mind.

Time does Not heal wounds. The longer things continue unabated, wounds can fester; problems can be embellished and stewing over them can breed resentment and bitterness. Forgiving others helps bring the healing we seek. It is possible for sickness to be the result of not forgiving. Although I just spoke of getting things out of my memory banks, forgiving does not always depend on forgetting. We need to remember to a certain extent, so that we can forgive, but once that is done—drop it; let it go. You just passed responsibility on to God and to the other person.

Forgiveness is not letting the guilty party or parties get off scot-free. It is not excusing bad behavior, but forgiving unjust behavior. We do not have to tolerate unjust or foolish behavior you know and allow others to walk all over us. We can turn the other cheek, without becoming a doormat.

It is not getting them off your hook, rather it is placing the on God’s hook. If we pray for our enemy and forgive, we can heap up coals of fire on his or her head and God can act in the way that only He can act. You may in fact restore a brother or make a friend. 

Forgiveness is not a feeling or an emotion. Whilst we can “feel good”, forgiving is a calculated, deliberate act of volition on our part. If we have been hurt, it is not denying the hurt but it is releasing it.

Forgiving is not based on fairness either. It was not fair for Jesus to go to Calvary, but He did, so that we could be forgiven.

Forgiving others is impossible. Huh? Yes, that’t right—impossible. Forgiving others is a supernatural phenomenon. God is the “ultimate forgiver” which is why we need His help to do what He commands us. Remember the disciple’s prayer, “Lord. Increase our faith”?  Those men knew that they couldn’t do it, so asked Him for His help.

I will bring this to a close now with something that is powerful.

One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for lunch and Jesus accepted the invitation. As they sat down to eat, a woman of the streets—a prostitute—heard he was there and brought an exquisite flask filled with expensive perfume. Going in, she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping, with her tears falling down upon his feet; and she wiped them off with her hair and kissed them and poured the perfume on them.

When Jesus’ host, a Pharisee, saw what was happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, “This proves that Jesus is no prophet, for if God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman this one is!”

Then Jesus spoke up and answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”

“All right, Teacher,” Simon replied, “go ahead.”

Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—$5,000 to one and $500 to the other. But neither of them could pay him back, so he kindly forgave them both, letting them keep the money! Which do you suppose loved him most after that?”

“I suppose the one who had owed him the most,” Simon answered.

“Correct,” Jesus agreed.

Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look! See this woman kneeling here! When I entered your home, you didn’t bother to offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You refused me the customary kiss of greeting, but she has kissed my feet again and again from the time I first came in. You neglected the usual courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has covered my feet with rare perfume. Therefore her sins—and they are many—are forgiven, for she loved me much; but one who is forgiven little, shows little love.”

And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

Then the men at the table said to themselves, “Who does this man think he is, going around forgiving sins?”

And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” Luke 7:36-50.

So far, I’ve touched on forgiving other people—those who have hurt us and harmed us in so many ways. Sometimes their actions were deliberate, whilst at other times it could have been inadvertent. Our part as individuals is to forgive them. I think you understand that, but there is something else.

I would like you to go to your bathroom or dressing room and look in a mirror.

What do you see? Who do you see? Forgive that person. Tell that person there that you love him or her.  Jesus does...

Sometimes our own guilt plagues us. It aught not, but there are times when it does. You know what you have done in the past and you know what you never did when you should have done something. The memories haunt us. They are keeping us in that cage on the cover page, but the door is open. Jesus opened it 2000 years ago, so fly out...

Forgive yourself. There is a whole new world out there waiting for you.

Blessings,

Robert